If you felt free to say what you wanted or needed to say, would you be as judgmental? Not that hurt angry response, but the real thing you wanted to say before you judged. I think the answer is no.  If we felt we could say what we wanted to say, we wouldn’t judge. It would open the door to compassion.  And why don’t we feel like we can speak honestly?  Honesty can be kind. Because we are afraid of being judged. So you see it goes in a circle, spiraling into fear, judge, fear, judge. How well does this serve us?

Judgment is not all bad. The lovely cousin of judgment, Discernment, is what lets all of those life lessons mean something in the way we live day to day.  She is what helps us look, listen, think, apply, decide and know.  And judgment, the harsher cousin is sometimes needed - sometimes called for to allow us to care for ourselves and others.

But how often? We need discernment daily – sometimes hourly, but how often do we need to judge each other? And how much do we cheapen true judgment, dis-empower it, when we use it only to keep from feeling afraid?

And so I wonder how we move from judging to talking. From feeling hurt to being brave enough to connect and communicate.